your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
