My friends, they love my intelligence
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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