I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
