I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
