The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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