She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
