btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
