I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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