Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
