why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
