My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
