He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
