I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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