I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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