Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
