College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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