ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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