im holly from the hills drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
