He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
