We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
