we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
