my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
