i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sext me about skeletons
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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