Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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