somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
