I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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