It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
