Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize