Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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