I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
