When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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