I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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