atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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