Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize