So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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