decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
