you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
