But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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