i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
