I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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