We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
