yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
