You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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