Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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