You're my little dorito
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
