im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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