The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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