His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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