It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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