My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
