Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
