I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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