we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
