Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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