If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
