When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
