I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she peed on how many people?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
