can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
