if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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