you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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