dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
