his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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