I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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