Can i not drive my cunt home
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
