Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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