you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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