she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
