I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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