Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
